ArGH!

Ive been dreading myself lately in everything. Feeling tired all the time. The only thing that keeps me going now is that drop of adrenaline left in me, probably from the many cups of latte that I drown myself with everyday at work.

Its been about 2 weeks now since I last saw her. Ok, I did see her last week, but that was just a "HELLO! ok bye" moment -.- Seriously, how can I let an 18 year old school girl take over my life and emotions? I keep on asking myself again and again. I may sit down with another friend talking about her and Ill get good advice on how to over come it, but its all not working. Its easy to say, take it slow or forget about her or she is not worth it or she has too much ego to admit she likes/loves you or she doesn't know what she wants or she is just playing games on you or whatever that 1001 reasons are, but I still cant get over it.

A few days ago I decided to tell her, OK, this is it, Im letting you go because of yada yada yada. But 5 minutes later, I wrote a letter to her saying, I cant forget her. Honestly, what is so great about this being I'm talking about? I don't know. Love is blind. Im willing to cross that river of fire or fly over to Jupiter just to make her happy, but do I get in return? ..... but why do I keep on going? So that I can see her smile.

I want to know whats her game, or maybe she doesn't have one but still, I want to know whats in her head. But its so hard. So let me explain about me. Im the kind of guy that will tell you right in the face if Im not happy. Let it be harsh, but then I let it go there and then. But not for her. She will drag that 1 mistake I did to her and not tell me about it. She expects me to know. Goodness sake, I'm a guy. Guys do not have that conscience. We guys, can fart one second and go, HUH? what did I do? so for her to tell me "I'm angry at you.(FULL-STOP)". An the worst is when she end it with "I dunno, I have no mood to talk about this, BYE" I can break my head open with that. She gives me that tinge of a hint and leaves it there expecting me to know why. How do you solve an issue in this manner?