At some point you will realize that you have done too much for someone,
that the only next possible step to do is to stop.
Leave them alone.
Walk away.
It’s not like you’re giving up,
and it’s not like you shouldn’t try.
It’s just that you have to draw the line of determination from desperation.
What is truly yours will eventually be yours, and what is not, no matter how hard you try, will never be

another O.O

Sasha came over and that means... her sister is here too.. WOOOH! Halo PETRA!

O.O

It was a typical Monday evening with the usual 3 to 4 tables being occupied. Air con was bursting its cold wind at 20 degrees. What do I have to complain? Its nice, comfortable and peaceful. Peace was disturbed every 30 minutes or so with some staff asking me to void off items. It just got me a little frustrated. A quite evening like this, should not be complimented with any form of mistakes from the staff.

Looking at the time now, 8.51pm. The night is still young, so they say. Not many things need to be done. Butter has been cut, jams are all prepared and ready for tomorrow's morning rush. There really isn't much to be done around here. Almost a year now with Jones, everything has started to become static. Monotonous. Boring.
My heart is still beating fast. Really fast. So I thought it was over. I deleted her off my facebook, contacts list and tried deleting her off my mind too.

As usual, I was walking around checking on the operations. Went out to the al-fresco to send over some drinks to the customers. I strolled back inside the restaurant only to have a shock. There, in front of me, stood a nice looking girl, hair straight down to the shoulders. A decent height to weight ratio but a face way too familiar. Should I say hi? Or open up a small conversation? Or should I just be direct I say, Ive missed her so much? I had to look twice just to make sure that my half sleeping mind is not playing any form of tricks on me. Well assured, it was her. Sandra.

I carried on doing my duties pretending that all's fine. I tried to blank of my mind for a few seconds. Nothing worked. My heart kept beating faster. The more I tried, the worst it got. I calmed myself down with a few sips of ice water that had stood solo in front of me. Half the time, I felt sick, I wanted to rush down the toilet and let go of all that was in me.

It took her about 10 minutes to leave the restaurant. What was her intention? Does she know that I was on shift? Or was she here with a bit of a luck that I wasn't working today? Nevertheless, I was happy, angry and frustrated all at the same time.

Goodbyes are never easy, I ended it really harsh. I may hurt now. But its for the better future.

once a bitch always a bitch right? so why bother?

In a work place, there is always a Mole. And the worst, is when the bloody Mole dont say the right thing, but instead feed in bullshit info... Why make things worst?

Sent from my HTC

Yes I know, Im a dude with a blog.

Sent from my HTC

for today will be a new beginning for me. I started my day well, ended it well at the same time. Selamat Hari Raya Aidiladha to all Muslims!

OK! I need to get a new keyboard soon. My right shift button does not work!

Tired today? Yes I was! Caught in the rain again. I just realized, I always get caught in the rain on every Saturday! 5 times in a row now. ok never mind.

After days and days of asking my mum if she will cook Crabs for us, she finally did. Got home from training and she asked if I was going out again. After me saying no, she said she will be cooking Crab for dinner. Oooh, delighted I was! Being the busybody me, I went to the kitchen to see whats smoking. Stood there were crabs and fried chicken drumsticks. Then I realised, there was once I told her, "ma, why not bring Newton Circus back home?". But sadly my parents didn't get any other seafood from Sheng Siong. Then I went to my dad and said "lets go get more stuff". And get more stuff we did. We rode down to Sheng Siong and brought back a bunch of other seafood species.

List:
Lala
More crabs
Sotong
Tiger Prawns
Sting Ray
Kang Kong
Shitake Mushrooms
Sea Snails (Siput Sedut)

Helped mum with the cooking. Felt really good in the kitchen with her. She thought me a few stuff. Im just being a filial son. Not! hahaha. The best of it was me cutting the tail of the snail's shell and the snails were doing the "mas selamat" trying to escape.

Had a huge dinner with the whole family. This is just one of the few times we get to sit down together as a whole family enjoying good food.

ArGH!

Ive been dreading myself lately in everything. Feeling tired all the time. The only thing that keeps me going now is that drop of adrenaline left in me, probably from the many cups of latte that I drown myself with everyday at work.

Its been about 2 weeks now since I last saw her. Ok, I did see her last week, but that was just a "HELLO! ok bye" moment -.- Seriously, how can I let an 18 year old school girl take over my life and emotions? I keep on asking myself again and again. I may sit down with another friend talking about her and Ill get good advice on how to over come it, but its all not working. Its easy to say, take it slow or forget about her or she is not worth it or she has too much ego to admit she likes/loves you or she doesn't know what she wants or she is just playing games on you or whatever that 1001 reasons are, but I still cant get over it.

A few days ago I decided to tell her, OK, this is it, Im letting you go because of yada yada yada. But 5 minutes later, I wrote a letter to her saying, I cant forget her. Honestly, what is so great about this being I'm talking about? I don't know. Love is blind. Im willing to cross that river of fire or fly over to Jupiter just to make her happy, but do I get in return? ..... but why do I keep on going? So that I can see her smile.

I want to know whats her game, or maybe she doesn't have one but still, I want to know whats in her head. But its so hard. So let me explain about me. Im the kind of guy that will tell you right in the face if Im not happy. Let it be harsh, but then I let it go there and then. But not for her. She will drag that 1 mistake I did to her and not tell me about it. She expects me to know. Goodness sake, I'm a guy. Guys do not have that conscience. We guys, can fart one second and go, HUH? what did I do? so for her to tell me "I'm angry at you.(FULL-STOP)". An the worst is when she end it with "I dunno, I have no mood to talk about this, BYE" I can break my head open with that. She gives me that tinge of a hint and leaves it there expecting me to know why. How do you solve an issue in this manner?

cant let you go

It was easy for me to say Im letting you go,
but deep inside,
who am I lying to?
Im not going to,
not at this time.

no one has affected me this much before, but you.
Ive not cared for someone so much before, only you.
I hope you know, we don't think alike.
I don't know whats on your mind.
only if I could crack your skull,
pull out your brains,
and see whats inside.
and only if you could do the same,
to see how much you mean to me.
you know how I am with words,
Im clumsy at times.
Every mistake that I do to you,
I sincerely apologize.
Every harsh words that came to you,
Ill take it back, and smack it at my own face.

every time I see you smile,
I will feel happy inside.
and when I see you frown,
I always feel that it was my fault.
how I wish I could make you happy all the time,
but there is so much I can do.
I never meant to make you sad,
never meant to make you mad.
If I did, I'm sorry once again.

letting you go is not as easy as 1,2,3
cause every time I think of it,
I think how much you mean to me.
I keep on hurting again and again,
was it my own mistake?

Jones

Since the long disappearance act I pulled off with my blog, many things has happened. From good to bad. From bad to worse. And it gets better now and then.

It has been a almost a year now since Ive been with Jones the Grocer; an Australian grocery and restaurant. Working there has its ups and downs but of course, you never avoid problems. Starting off as a barista, I took a pay cut from my previous work place. In my mind at that time, it wast all about money. I wanted to learn new things, and feel whats it like in another environment.

I started my stint in FnB since I was 14. I still remember my first job, Delifrance. I love the service industry. Interactivity and productivity that is involved in it. I never see myself working in a place that is within 4 walls. I have to be on the move and always have my heart pumping. My lazy hours and time will definitely come in the day, but when it stretches too far, Ill get bored easily. That explains why, even after graduating from school, I decided not to carry on my career as a designer. Long story short, it just wasn't my passion.

Jones gave me a better look into the service industry in a better perspective. Reason number one being, it was a bigger picture. A bigger restaurant, bigger crowd which means, bigger problems to handle. It keeps my blood pumping and I loved the adrenaline rush. Working in the bar for my first 3 months, kept my going. But that was when politics did not exist yet. Honestly, its really something you cant avoid. Its always there in where ever workplace you go. So after having enough bullshit, I decided to take up the offer from my GM at the service side. There wasn't really much thinking needed. As I know, I can get a better prospect and growth in the service line. And of course, he gave me a better offer.

My three months probation as an Asst Operations Supervisor wasn't easy. Not many staff fancied the fact that I became supervisor out of nowhere. I had so many critics about me and staff pin pointing my mistakes. I took all that in and tried to improve. I just held on and told myself to not give up and also to prove all this people wrong. Then came my promotion. That was my relief period. But still not many liked that fact. But what can I say? I cant please everyone.

Now, it has been 10 months with Jones. There still is so much politics happening that it becomes ridiculous. My passion has dropped from 10 to 5. I'm the kind of person that tries to give as much effort as possible in what I do. I was a very streak Supervisor at one time. I didn't give any form of leniency. But staff hated me for that. So I toned down, try not to be to serious at times and not do so much. I made the mistake of not earning enough respect from my staff but instead jump right in. Now slowly, but surely, things are getting better on my side.

IM BACK! BIATCH!!!!!

its been awhile

how long has it been since my last post? gosh. Maybe I should start doing all this again. but for now, ill just settle with this new template. I kinda like it. boring aint I?